Alumina - Doubting her Own Existence

(This article is a part of the series of discussions with Dr. Mati H Fuller regarding understanding Core of different Homeopathic Remedies).

Dr.Singh: Hi Mati, We are happy to inform you that we are getting hundreds of letters thanking us for this interview session about the Core Feelings of Medicines.

Dr.Mati: Thanks, I am grateful to all of them for the enthusiasm which they show towards this series; in fact this infectious feeling propels us to move ahead.

Dr.Singh: We would like to discuss with you about the Alumina patient, the chilly constipated confused lady who often doubts her identity.

Dr.Mati: Now the first thing I would like to clear is that Alumina's doubting her own existence, is not just a matter of a lack of self-confidence; the problem is deeper than that. To answer this question, we first have to define the concept of 'self." If you ask anyone who they are, what do they answer? Most people will tell you what they do for a living, what position they have at work, what they have accomplished in their lives, what their title is, and perhaps even what their family background is. What they are telling you doesn't really have anything to do with who they truly are because who they are as a being has nothing to do with what they do. But, for some reason, people tend to be more identified with what they do, than with who they really are. Therefore, it is common that people use their accomplishments as a way to define themselves. This definition gives people a sense of self, a sense of importance, or even a sense of separation (which is what ego is).

In Alumina's case, this sense of definition, or self, is almost non-existent. Even though she is sometimes ambitious and may achieve her goals, she still doesn't feel that her achievements have anything to do with who she is, so she isn't able to use it to boost her lack of self-feeling, or to make herself feel more important. She basically feels like "a nobody," no matter how much she achieves. She feels totally insignificant, worthless and not important to anyone. She might as well be invisible, since people tend to ignore her anyway. She can't just say: "I'm a great teacher, I'm a brilliant professor, I am a good mother," and so on, and feel good about herself. This is because her sense of self is totally dependent on what others think about her. She only feels like a person when someone treats her like one, by paying attention to her and showing her appreciation.

Dr.Singh: Does this mean that she even depends on others for knowing who she is? It also means she gets hurt easily, say if someone does not recognise her efforts and speaks ill of her.

Dr.Mati: Exactly! Alumina's sense of worthlessness and insignificance doesn't stop her from feeling her emotions. Every time she is ignored or treated like a non-entity, her feelings are hurt. She may compensate for this feeling by rushing around and trying to accomplish more, so that the people in her life will give her some kind of recognition for her efforts. She craves recognition more than anything since it is the only thing that can give her a sense of self, but unfortunately, recognition happens very rarely in Alumina's life. Therefore, she may eventually become very depressed and can easily feel tempted to kill herself, especially when she sees a sharp knife. Or, if someone has hurt her feelings very badly, she might be tempted to kill that person instead. This is because she is somewhat unstable emotionally. A person with a strong sense of self will tend to be much more stable, than someone with a very fragile sense of self. So, basically, Alumina's sense of self doesn't come from what she does, it has to be defined by the people in her life in the form of recognition, praise or appreciation since she isn't able to do this for herself.

A basic requirement for self-confidence is to, first of all, have a sense of self. The stronger the sense of self, the more self-confidence is possible. So, naturally, someone like Alumina, with hardly any sense of self, can't possibly have any self-confidence to speak of. Therefore, she is not really confident about anything. That is why she craves so much recognition from others because recognition is the only thing that gives her a sense of self, and once there is a sense of self, she immediately feels more confident, too. Unfortunately, she normally attracts people into her life who keep ignoring her. This happens because she is here to learn how to appreciate herself, and life always provides many opportunities for people to learn their lessons.

Dr.Singh: How can we differentiate her from the lot of Pulsatilla; Silicea; Calcarea; Lycopodium etc. All of them have a low confidence state and depend on others for their decisions.

Dr.Mati: All of these remedies have a more defined sense of self than Alumina, and therefore, a lot more self-confidence, too. Even Pulsatilla has more self-confidence than Alumina.

Like Alumina, Pulsatilla's self-confidence is also dependent on recognition or affection from others, but she is better than Alumina at getting her needs met because she more affectionate and knows how to reach out and connect with others more easily. Pulsatilla's lack of confidence is mostly an issue when it comes to decision making in general. Her problem is that she often doesn't know what she wants, and she may need someone else to help her decide.

Calcarea's lack of confidence has to do with being slow, and with not having a lot of stamina to get things done. He doesn't trust himself because he is afraid he is going to run out of energy before the job is completed. Anything that involves effort can make him feel apprehensive and indecisive since he may be worried about the possibility of exhausting himself. 

Silicea is very capable intellectually, but she is afraid of failure. Even though she may be highly educated, she still may not have enough confidence to take on certain tasks, simply because she doesn't want to face the possibility of failure. She often feels happier if someone else can do the job, or make the decisions for her, unless she has already made up her mind, in which case her confidence is strong, and she will stick to it, no matter what.

Like Silicea, Lycopodium is also capable intellectually. He is ambitious and wants to achieve his goals, but he, too, is afraid of failure. His fear of failure often gives him a lack of confidence, even though he is perfectly capable if he can only find the courage to overcome his fear. His self-confidence can become so low that it can even cause him to dread undertaking new things. However, Lycopodium has to overcome his fear of failure and lack of confidence, or he won't be able to achieve his goals. This is a big problem for Lycopodium because if he doesn't achieve his goals, his whole life becomes a failure.

Compared to Alumina, all these other remedies have one thing in common; they all have at least some sense of self, and they all know how to relate to others. Alumina often feels so alienated from others that she feels almost invisible. Nobody sees her and nobody pays attention to her, and she doesn't know how to bridge the gap between herself and others. She only feels a sense of self if somebody else gives her a sense of self, and if that doesn't happen, she basically starts "disappearing." Her mind begins to fall apart, and this is when she'll often start feeling strange and unusual impulses, and she may fear going crazy. When this starts happening, Alumina has a tendency to give up and become totally indifferent to everything. The indifference turns to emotional numbness, and eventually, the numbness will also start showing up in her physical body. The good thing about being numb is that it stops her from feeling so emotionally hurt all the time, so the numbness is basically a defense mechanism of some sort. This is what happens in Alumina's non-coping state. To get her back to a coping state, she needs a lot of attention from others. Eventually, she may also benefit from psychotherapy so she can learn how to appreciate herself more and become less dependent on appreciation from others.

Dr.Singh: Thanks Dr. Mati, for this interesting yet vital piece of information about the Core Feeling of Alumina. I am sure our readers would enjoy it.