(This article is a part of Interview Series with Dr. Mati Fuller about the Core Issues of Different Medicines)

Dr. Mati : Hi Dr Singh, How are you?

Dr. Singh : Fine! How about you?

Dr. Mati : I am fine too. So what are we discussing today?

Dr. Singh : Today it’s about Sepia. How can you describe the personality of a Sepia patient?

Dr. Mati : The core of the Sepia personality is simple to explain - I see her as a rubber band. Every one in her life takes a hold of the rubber band and pulls on it, and it stretches and stretches until it eventually becomes worn out. As we all know, a worn out rubber band has no elasticity left, and the same thing happens to Sepia’s tissues. They become too lax, sagging, and her inner organs start to prolapse.

Dr. Singh : Now that’s interesting Sepia- as an elastic band. But why is she like that? What are her core-issues?

Dr. Mati : Basically Sepia is an independent type, more independent than Natrum-mur, but her problem is, that she is not quite independent enough. She is the kind of person who wants to be everything to everybody, but at the same time, she wants time for herself, too, so she can do what SHE wants. Perhaps she wants to pursue a career, perhaps she wants to do something artistic, but whatever it is that she wants to do; it is always hard for her to find the time to do it. Everybody else’s needs always come first.

She wants to be a good wife and mother, she may even try to be super-mom, but in her heart, she wants to do things for herself, too, and somehow, her own needs are always put on the " back-burner" because the day doesn’t have enough hours in it, or because she is too exhausted by the time everyone else’s needs have been met. These are the core issues that always go through Sepia’s life.

Dr. Singh : It seems Sepia is quite similar to Natrum-mur in her thoughts and behavior?

Dr. Mati : Yes, in many ways, Sepia is similar to Natrum-mur. They both try to be perfect in their relationships to others, but for different reasons, and they can both be confrontative and irritable when things don’t turn out the way they wished, but their core issues are still different.

Natrum-mur believes that if she can find her soul mate, or twin flame or the absolute " perfect mate," she’ll live happily ever after, and if she isn’t happy yet in her life, she just haven’t found Mr. perfect yet. She also believes that unless she is perfect, she doesn’t deserve to be loved, so she is always striving to be perfect, and to create the perfect relationship. Sepia on the other hand, secretly feels that relationships are a bit of a "drag," because she always ends up having to compromise her own needs, in other words, she is more flexible than she should be.

The main difference is that Natrum is much clearer about her boundaries and need for space than Sepia is, and you can feel a rigid quality around Natrum-mur, that you don’t see in Sepia. She is definitely more independent than Natrum-mur, but not independent enough, because there is always the fear of what will happen if she becomes too independent, that this is what makes her compromise. So, behind her compromise is a basic fear of being alone, and a lack of trust that she is worth loving even if she stops compromising, and this issue alone is Sepia’s greatest challenge to overcome. The fact is that she often compromises even when people don’t expect her to. In her perception, she just thinks that they do, so it is her perception of reality that really needs to change.

Sepia on one hand, is independent and wants to do her own thing, but at the same time, she is afraid that her mate will leave her if she becomes too selfish, so she has to compromise.

Dr. Singh : Compromise is Sepia’s survival mechanism, but she pays a high price for it. How does it affect her?

Dr. Mati : Compromise is never fun. Anyone that compromises her own feelings or needs knows that anger and resentment will start to build up, and this happens in Sepia, too. If she doesn’t find enough time to take care of herself and her own needs and wants, she becomes irritable and starts complaining. Yes, she wants her family, but actually, her work appeals to her more, even though she won’t admit this to anyone. She is under the delusion, that if she admits this, she will end up without a family, so she hides her feelings and tries to juggle both, and when she starts running out of time and energy, she complains. However, it is part of her story that nobody listens to her, so she has to keep compromising.

I guess she could just leave the relationship if the burden became too much, but Sepia doesn’t do that because she is afraid to live life on her own. She wants family, too, only she wishes she had more time for herself and her own interests. And, you are right, compromise is Sepia’s survival mechanism, and she does pay a price for that.

The first thing that happens is irritability and complaints, which her family members usually ignore or argue against. So, she keeps compromising, even though she is starting to resent it. After doing this for some time, she will also start to resent the people who are making her compromise, including her husband and children. Therefore, we can see in Sepia aversion to her husband, and even aversion to her own children. This happens, not because she doesn’t care about them, but because they demand too much of her, and she is feeling that her energy is running out without ever getting any of her own needs met.

The next stage is indifference. This happens when her energy levels are so low that she can’t do anymore for anyone. She just wants to be left alone, like a cuttlefish sitting under a big rock, and she puts a big, dark cloud of gloominess around her to keep people away. " Leave me alone! Stop pulling on me!" This is her most basic survival mechanism. She has to get away so she can build up her energy again.

To others it looks like she doesn’t care, she is indifferent, her feelings of love have cooled down, but that is not really the issue. The real issue is that her energy level has been so depleted through compromise and always doing too much for others that she doesn’t have enough energy left to show any more emotions towards anyone. She just wants to be by herself until her "batteries" are recharged, and if that ever happens, the love for her family will also return, because actually, she does care. If she didn’t, why would she go to so much effort to compromise her own needs all the time? She does it because she cares.

When she reaches this state of resentment and exhaustion, it naturally affects her sex life, too. She loses interest in sex, because sex involves energy, too. Therefore, her sex drive is very variable. When she feels good and her energy levels are high, she has a strong sex drive, but when her energy is low, sex is the last thing on her mind. In fact, it can even become another source of compromise. If she is afraid her mate will leave her if she says no to him too much, she will allow him sex, even though she doesn’t enjoy it, and this, too, builds up resentment to the point where she finally says NO!

Dr. Singh : How should Sepia cope up with her responsibilities to avoid suppressions?

Dr. Mati : Eventually, it is the compromises which she makes in life that increase her resentment and make her sick. Sepia is here to learn to stop compromising, or to choose how much she is willing to do for others, and then be clear about where to draw the line. This is the hardest thing for her to learn, and she also has a tendency to draw to herself situations that keep demanding her to compromise. For example, Sepias often end up with too many children in her life, and children never take no for an answer when it comes to what they want from their mother. So, Sepia needs to become aware of what her needs are, and how she can find ways to get her needs met. She might have to get together with other moms and arrange to take turns baby sitting, or she might have to hire a nanny or a house cleaner, etc. just to ensure that she has some time for nurturing her own needs, or she’ll eventually just want to get away from it all.

Dr. Singh : Having a Sepia wife is really a challenging job. One needs to understand her fears and strengths. What do you feel who is a perfect partner for a Sepia lady?

Dr. Mati : The ideal relationship for a Sepia is one where nobody is asking her to compromise, and everyone keeps themselves happy and doesn’t expect Sepia to make them happy. She doesn’t know how to say no when enough is enough, but that is what she MUST learn in this lifetime, because relationships without some kind of compromise don’t really exist. Or, she could learn to enjoy being alone, I guess, but this doesn’t appeal to her either. So, she must find ways in her relationships to get her own needs met. In fact, having time for herself and her own pursuits are so important to her that she must learn to give herself the same priority that she gives everyone else in her life. She could even use a timer to divide up her day, and tell her family that from 9-12 everyday, she works on her computer and must not be disturbed. But, however she chooses to deal with the issue of compromise in relationships, it must be resolved, or her life basically turns sour.

The key to avoid all this suppression, as I see it, is trust. Sepia has to learn to trust in her own worth. She has to trust, that even if she puts aside some time for her own "selfish" needs, it is ok. In fact, it is more than ok, it is absolutely necessary, because this is what makes her happy. Being around a Sepia when she is not happy, is pure misery for everyone involved, so her whole family would benefit from giving Sepia enough time to pursue her own interests. She just needs a lot of space to allow for her own creativity to flower.

Dr. Singh : The irritability, resentment, indifference associated with Sepia often makes it a "menopausal remedy"? What do you think about it?

Dr. Mati : It is interesting to note, that a lot of women need Sepia around the time of menopause. Now, why is that? I think it makes perfect sense. The children have been raised, and perhaps even left the home. They no longer need the kind of attention that they used to, so the mother finally has some more time for herself. She can be creative, or she can explore her own interests. She may perhaps go back to school, take a job, or maybe even pursue her dreams of starting her own business. But, whatever it is that she wants to do, her family may not be totally supportive of her new ways. They may still expect the house to be spotless, and dinner to be served every day, and she may get frustrated over the fact that the day still doesn’t seem to have enough hours for her to pursue her own interests after everybody else’s needs are met. So, again, she builds up resentment, she complains, she develops indifference and aversions to family members, and if she comes to see a homeopath, we’ll give her Sepia. Again, we can see her fear that if she becomes too selfish, her family will complain, so she better compromise.

Dr. Singh : And then the curious question which many of the young homeopaths often ask. Are there Sepia Males too? What are his qualities?

In male Sepias we see the same issues; they always end up compromising to ensure that their mates don’t leave. They always bend over backwards to please everyone else, and because it wears them out, they become irritable and indifferent as a result.

Dr. Singh : What are the bright and dark sides of a Sepia person?

Dr. Mati : The good sides of Sepia: She selflessly gives to others until her own energy runs out. She means well and tries to be the best she can to everyone who is pulling on her. She gives her children a lot of freedom to be themselves, so they often grow up to become very independent.