Pulsatilla: Childish, Envious, and Manipulative???
Homeopathic Journal :: Volume: 2, Issue: 9, Jul, 2009 (Centre Stage) - from Homeorizon.com
|Article Updated: Aug 10, 2009|
(This article is a part of Interview Series with Dr. Mati Fuller about the Core Issues of Different Medicines)
Dr. Singh : Hi Dr. Mati, How are you?
Dr. Mati : I am fine, so what are we talking about today?
Dr. Singh : Well, Today we are talking about Pulsatilla. How can you describe a Pulsatilla lady?
Dr. Mati As usual, the best way to understand the Pulsatilla personality is to first look at the core story associated with the remedy. Pulsatilla had a boyfriend or husband that she loved very much. He either died or abandoned her, and Pulsatilla never got over it. This situation is very similar to Ignatia , who also had a boyfriend or husband who died or abandoned her, so we need to compare these two remedies first.
Ignatia was a passionate woman who followed her heart, often against her father's wishes, and got herself in trouble. Either she ended up with a guy who wasn't really that committed to her, or she got seriously involved with someone who was already scheduled to leave, or go to war, etc. The result was heart break, and the reaction to the heart break was tears, sadness, hysteria, sitting and staring into thin air, refusing to talk to anyone, in other words, a pretty common grief reaction.
While Ignatia is often a strong, rebellious and passionate woman, Pulsatilla is more of an over-protected, somewhat childish, dependent personality type. She loves being protected and fussed over by her mother, and because she doesn't want to lose all that attention, she may have very little desire to grow up and leave her mother's lap. Therefore, she often goes straight from the mother's house, to finding a partner who can take care of her like her mother did. She has never had to really stand on her own legs, work for a living or make decisions on her own, so in many ways, she is likely to be a bit immature, or a bit of a princess.
Anyway, in the original story, Pulsatilla's partner died, which is a terrible thing when it happens to anyone, but particularly for Pulsatilla, since she is not the independent type who can just keep going on her own. She can, if she has to, of course, but it brings up an enormous amount of anxiety, and she is definitely NOT in her comfort zone when that happens.
Pulsatilla's reaction to losing her lover is very different from Ignatia's reaction. Ignatia won't even think of looking for another lover, because nobody can replace the lover she has just lost (at least not for a while). Pulsatilla's reaction, however, is to look for someone else she can go to, someone who can comfort her pain, because she simply cannot be alone. She needs someone else who can love her and take care of her, and it usually isn't very hard for her to find a new partner since she is such an affectionate person.
Dr. Singh : How is it that loving comes so natural to her?
Dr. Mati : Being loving to others comes easily to Pulsatilla. She is soft and sweet, affectionate and loving, and it is easy for her to find someone who falls in love with her and wants to take care of her. But, her lovingness isn't just pure love – there is always an ulterior motive…
The reason why Pulsatilla is always loving and affectionate is because it may stop people from leaving her in the future. Therefore, her loving nature is basically her compensation for what happened in the original story.
When something terrible happens to someone, first it changes that person's perception of reality. In Pulsatilla's perception, she realizes that the person she loves can be taken away from her at any time, and she'll have to face a scary world alone. The next thing that happens is a change in action, or a compensation, to ensure that something similar will never happen again. Pulsatilla compensates by being extra loving and affectionate to people in her life so that they will never leave her again. But the feeling, that she might end up alone, is still always lurking in her psyche. Therefore, Pulsatilla's affectionate behavior has become her main survival mechanism – The delusion is that "If I am loving, I'll survive!"
Dr. Singh : Pulsatilla is also one of the top grade remedies for selfishness and envy. This is opposite to her natural state. How does she manage it?
Dr. Mati: Actually, it is not opposite of her natural state – both states are part of her nature. Here we have to remember that Pulsatilla's display of affection is a basic part of her survival mechanism. By being affectionate and loving to the people in her life, she hopes that they will be affectionate to her and take good care of her in return. However, if the person she is affectionate toward is giving attention to someone else instead, there is sure to be trouble! If she doesn't get 100% attention from the other person, it brings up her old abandonment anxiety, and she'll cry and whine and become selfish and manipulative because she MUST have attention to survive, and if she doesn't get it, she'll do whatever it takes to get it…
Decision making is the hardest thing for Pulsatilla. Not only is she not clear about what she wants, but even when she does make a decision, she may change her mind a moment later. Changeability is therefore one of Pulsatilla's main qualities. She can be good with money, when she has to, but naturally, she prefers if someone else makes the money and takes care of all the bills. This area is just not where she wants to put her energy.
Dr. Singh : Who is her ideal mate?
Dr. Mati Pulsatillas are often attracted to Lycopodium mates. Lycopodium feels small, but wants to feel big. His confidence is lacking, and he needs a wife who will look up to him and think he is the greatest, which Pulsatilla is more than happy to do. He also likes a wife who doesn't question his authority, or the decisions he makes, and Pulsatilla doesn't mind. She loves having someone else make the decisions for her, take care of her, and bring home money.
In many ways, this is an ideal partnership with very little conflict, since neither of them likes to argue. But they may still have a few differences. Pulsatilla can easily get a little bit too demanding and needy for Lycopodium, who tends to like a little peace and quiet when he gets home from work. The other problem is that Lycopodium tends to be a very mental type, and he can easily be a bit too cold emotionally for Pulsatilla.
Another type of person Pulsatilla is often attracted to is Staphysagria . Staphysagria thinks he is "the greatest", but his greatness is totally dependent on what others think of him. Therefore, Pulsatilla is an ideal mate for him, because she admires him, no matter what, and Staphysagria loves it! However, neither of them are good at making decisions, and Staphysagria often feels that Pulsatilla demands too much of him. Pulsatilla's main complaint in this relationship will be that Staphysagria totally avoids any emotional issues.
Dr. Singh : When depressed what does she do?
Dr. Mati: When Pulsatilla is depressed, she cries a lot, and it is easy for anyone to feel sorry and take pity on her, which is exactly what she wants, since sympathy always makes her feel better. It is not easy for her to pull herself out of a depression without help from someone else. She just feels so much better when she gets sympathy from someone who really understands her, and she is quick to forgive whenever there is disagreement. This is one of the main reasons why Pulsatilla often stays in difficult or even abusive relationships. She just can't face a life on her own, and she may not even be able to make up her mind about whether she should leave or stay.
Dr. Singh : How is a Pulsatilla man?
Dr. Mati: Pulsatilla is the best of all the remedies to represent typical female energy – soft, receptive, loving, somewhat wishy washy, soft spoken, likes to wear pink clothing. This is often charming in a woman, but not quite as charming in a man. Therefore, Pulsatilla men often have problems finding a mate, since it may be hard to find a masculine woman who can take care of him. Therefore, many Pulsatilla men have major abandonment issues and often feel totally unsupported and alone in the world.
The main lesson Pulsatilla is here to learn is that she can actually take care of herself. She is a good, dependable worker, even though she is not a leader type, but there is no reason for her to stay needy and childish all her life.
Dr. Singh : What are the good and bad sides of Pulsatilla patient?
Dr. Mati : To summarize:
The good sides are easy – she is soft, loving, affectionate, charming, and has a big heart. She loves children, animals and people in general, and she has a pleasant, social personality. She is also unbelievably flexible and adaptable, which makes it easy and fun to be with her. She tries to keep the peace in the family, forgives easily and doesn't hold grudges.
The bad side is that if she doesn't get what she wants, she'll whine, cry, demand, manipulate and even cheat and lie, if necessary. She has to have what she wants, or she doesn't feel safe. In addition, she has a really hard time making decisions, and she is usually not too good at managing money, even though there are exceptions. Pulsatilla can also be childish and immature, even as a grown woman.